onyx (onyxangel) wrote,

The past is catching up with me...

Well, its been an interesting couple weeks. First. my friend I haven't seen in about 4 years or so...then, last night, A shows up at the club. I haven't seen him in a couple years..and things ended ...well, not the greatest, shall we say? I swore up and down I wouldn't even talk to him again. And, lied to myself apparently. *sigh* Why does he do that to me? He's one of a few men that I can't really say no to....I do, but then....in a few minutes, I give in. I'm not even entirely sure yet how I feel about seeing him. He told me he missed me, and that he's thought about me over the last couple years. I don't doubt that he has...but..I don't know. There's something....different. In me, I think. I've changed...and so has he. For the better it sounds like....but, I'm not sure we're compatible for more than just sex. While I'm not ready to just jump into a relationship....I'm not sure I want the sex only thing either. More to think on.....we'll see if things really have changed I guess.
Then today, on IRC...another former boyfriend. Well, someone I dated at any rate, pops in. We try to remain friends...but its been a difficult thing, as we lose touch often. I'll admit, I haven't been the best on this myself. At any rate...its been about a year and a half since I've seen hide nor hair of him. So....what is it about this time that has the past revisiting me? Should I be watching for something..? Or is this all about my ability (or lack thereof) to give others another chance?
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