I was going to wait until I got home to update this, because well..never know when the company is watching. But, fuck it. I'm so stressed and upset that I'm actually sick. I've been shaking and naseous all morning. I want nothing more than to crawl into a hole and hide away from everything. I wrote an entry between calls, on paper. That's how paranoid I was. It was 'safer'. Now, this is how sick I am.



I feel sick to my stomach. Writing this on paper because, apparently, Im safer that way. It's definately time to find a new job. I've lost faith and heart for this one. This morning I got written notice, for my attitude on the phones.
I do realize, of late, my attitude has been less than peachy and that things that shouldn't be getting to me, are. I could offer all sorts of excuses, which I may do later, but I know that my attitude is the only thing I control, really.
I'm angry at myself, and at my company. Of all the calls I take during my day, they focus on a couple bad ones. I'm a customer service rep, not a human. Or, at least, that's what I'm beginning to feel like. I'm everybody's punching bag for 8 hours a day, but all I'm allowed to do is smile and nod. The customers are becoming increasingly more difficult and aggressive and the internal pressure is getting heavier..but, again, the only thing I can do is smile, nod and pretend that everything is okay. It's not.
I need a new job. Fuck, I need a new life. I want to go away. I don't care where, just away from here. I'm at work, writing on paper so what I say can remain 'private'..or at least away from the eyes of "big brother", our "training tool" that's really spyware. Funny thing is, this company preaches honesty but can't even call this program what it is. They preach the golden rule...then throw it in your face.
Another job. Another life....
Yeah. No worries, I'll be alright. I always am, after all. I'll figure something out. In the meantime....I'll just sit here and cry because I feel so.....sick...