onyx (onyxangel) wrote,

  • Mood:
  • Music:


Last night got better. He came to visit on my break, apologizing for lunch. We were out in the truck talking, and he asked me if I'd like to move in at the end of my lease.
This isn't as simple as it would seem. For the first time, there's a child to consider. What happens if I move in, we get her back living with us, and we split? That's going to have some impact on her. Not that I'm expecting us to split up...but, well, anything's possible. He hasn't promised me forever (not that he could). *shrugs* Then there's the aspect of, if I do move in and we get her back...am I really ready to be a 2nd mom to her? Am I prepared to walk into that? Give up the freedoms I enjoy now? I mean....really, its selfish little things...like, having the freedom to call a friend and go out to dinner, just because. With her, I'd have to worry about who's going to take care of her while I eat, or can I bring her along? Then there's figuring out where my boundaries are with her..and with him about parenting. I know that he's okay with me disciplining her, as long as I'm not slapping her and such. Which, I don't do, so he has no worries there. But...still, there are some boundaries, I'm sure. And then, its getting to know her better all in all. What will I do when she acts up? Because, she will, she's a kid. Its a given. And there are going to be times when I'm left by myself with her, so I have to have some control, have some idea of what the hell to do.
Then there's more trivial things...like my furniture. I know, I know. But, there's a few things that I really want right away. But, the problem is, they're also the only furnishings at the apartment, and I don't want to deprive my current room mates of somewhere to watch tv, ya know? *sigh* So much to think about...and it seems like a long time to consider it..but, in reality, that time'll be up before I know it.
Another note - I feel much better today. Time with the man and a nice bloody steak seemed to have been what I needed to put myself back on track. Oh...and that sinful sunday helped too *grins* He really is an understanding man, more so than I give him credit for sometimes I think.....and, last night, he proved it to me. He took care of me.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.