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Move....?

Last night got better. He came to visit on my break, apologizing for lunch. We were out in the truck talking, and he asked me if I'd like to move in at the end of my lease.
This isn't as simple as it would seem. For the first time, there's a child to consider. What happens if I move in, we get her back living with us, and we split? That's going to have some impact on her. Not that I'm expecting us to split up...but, well, anything's possible. He hasn't promised me forever (not that he could). *shrugs* Then there's the aspect of, if I do move in and we get her back...am I really ready to be a 2nd mom to her? Am I prepared to walk into that? Give up the freedoms I enjoy now? I mean....really, its selfish little things...like, having the freedom to call a friend and go out to dinner, just because. With her, I'd have to worry about who's going to take care of her while I eat, or can I bring her along? Then there's figuring out where my boundaries are with her..and with him about parenting. I know that he's okay with me disciplining her, as long as I'm not slapping her and such. Which, I don't do, so he has no worries there. But...still, there are some boundaries, I'm sure. And then, its getting to know her better all in all. What will I do when she acts up? Because, she will, she's a kid. Its a given. And there are going to be times when I'm left by myself with her, so I have to have some control, have some idea of what the hell to do.
Then there's more trivial things...like my furniture. I know, I know. But, there's a few things that I really want right away. But, the problem is, they're also the only furnishings at the apartment, and I don't want to deprive my current room mates of somewhere to watch tv, ya know? *sigh* So much to think about...and it seems like a long time to consider it..but, in reality, that time'll be up before I know it.
Another note - I feel much better today. Time with the man and a nice bloody steak seemed to have been what I needed to put myself back on track. Oh...and that sinful sunday helped too *grins* He really is an understanding man, more so than I give him credit for sometimes I think.....and, last night, he proved it to me. He took care of me.

Comments

( 19 comments — Drop A Feather )
pullthestars
Oct. 1st, 2002 11:40 am (UTC)
Can I ask, how long the two of you have been dating? And how long he's been seperated from the mother of his child?
onyxangel
Oct. 1st, 2002 12:12 pm (UTC)
A few months...and for a few years.
bearwitched
Oct. 1st, 2002 03:07 pm (UTC)
hmmm...
It IS a tough decision, and if you need to talk, I am willing to be there for you. I know that is kind of strange, but I seriously mean it. I have been through all of those issues already in that exact situation... and yes, he and his wife have been seperated for 5 years, but that is a very simplistic answer, don't you think.... hehehehe

K
onyxangel
Oct. 1st, 2002 04:29 pm (UTC)
Re: hmmm...
Thank you..I may need it! :) I'm a little bit more prepared than you were it sounds like...as in, its not quite as sudden of a thing as it was for you, from what I understand. I was thinking the other day...as strange as this can sound, we have a nice little family. I mean, I know Fenris wants the whole poly-family type thing, and this doesn't exactly match it...but, I think its a very nice little family.
Speaking of family and such....when are you two coming over for dinner? :)
whitewolfjmi
Oct. 1st, 2002 08:03 pm (UTC)
My not so humble opinion.
I like him. I don't like anybody. I didn't like anyone else you introduced me to as a potential lover/BF/playmate. I like Daethan. A lot.

The Mommy thing... well, that's something only you can decide. I think you'd be good at it, but you only get as much back as you put into it. It won't be easy - but is the possible rewards worth it?


As for the furnature, I'll be blunt - I WANT TO REDECORATE!!! I want a Futon, but I can't get one because there is a couch where I want to put it. I want to get my day bed off the portch... I want closet space!! I want an Alter room... *pant, drool* but only when we're not living together anymore, and I can wait until Rob and I move, or you do. *shrugs* We have furnature at Rob's that we can't bring in because we're already furnished. Don't worry about us.

Do what's best for you... the rest will fall into place.


*hugs*
lordtyr
Oct. 2nd, 2002 12:24 am (UTC)
Re: My not so humble opinion.
Gee, thanks Jenni. I like you too.
whitewolfjmi
Oct. 2nd, 2002 03:04 pm (UTC)
Re: My not so humble opinion.
Welcome!

Let's be honest, we tolerated one another. Half the time I think we were invisioning painful methods of killing the other.


Nothing personal. Just fact.
lordtyr
Oct. 2nd, 2002 04:22 pm (UTC)
Re: My not so humble opinion.
Speak for your own thoughts, not for mine.

I take people at face value until they show me otherwise. Your disdain is okay, I won't lose any sleep. Just didn't realize my death was being wished for. I'm pretty up front about that sort of thing.
whitewolfjmi
Oct. 2nd, 2002 04:27 pm (UTC)
Re: My not so humble opinion.
You irked me and your pushed my buttons. But I'm a woman, and I prefer subtlety than announcing to someone up front I wasn't more than happy to see them. I'd rather be personally disdainful than outgoing about hurting feelings... I just happen to have forgottn you read Jess's journal. But since we're on the subject the major dislike came in holding my friend while she cried over her computer over YOU. You had actually been cool with me, despite my initial dislike of you, until that.

I told you upfront - you make her cry, and I won't have the words to discribe what I'd like to do. So, while I was willing to get to know you, and even kinda started to like you, you can thank yourself for my feelings as they are today.

As for losing sleep, I don't imagine you will. If I were more vindicitive, I'd care. Thankfully, I have more things in my life to worry over, and you're low on the totem pole of my priorities.
onyxangel
Oct. 2nd, 2002 04:43 pm (UTC)
Re: My not so humble opinion.
Okay - let me put the brakes on here. I love you both...and I will not tolerate fighting on my journal. You guys can feel how you want about each other, but if you duke it out, do it in private please.

Jenni - FYI - I've seen Rob make you cry more than Tyr ever made me cry, keep that in mind when you form a judgement. If you don't like him, you don't like him...but, don't judge him on things that went on between us.
whitewolfjmi
Oct. 2nd, 2002 04:49 pm (UTC)
Re: My not so humble opinion.
I will make one point, then I will say no more - I haven't cried since he moved in, and he's still with me, for good or ill, no matter what the trial - he is willing to stand the tests of time and life to keep me.



I'll go to my respective corner, now.
onyxangel
Oct. 3rd, 2002 10:14 am (UTC)
Re: My not so humble opinion.
No, you haven't cried...but, I do recall things he's made you feel Jenni. If I were to judge Rob by what's gone in your relationship, I'd hate him. *That*, Jenni, was my point.
whitewolfjmi
Oct. 3rd, 2002 03:16 pm (UTC)
Re: My not so humble opinion.
*blinks* Pardon me? We have had our misunderstandings, but never have I walked away after we talked it out feeling less for it... in fact, usually I feel we have a BETTER understanding. And usually the misunderstandings where often because he was far away and we couldn't communicate properly.

Perhaps you should ask if you have seen the whole issue, or just the start of one, and weren't around for the end. He hasn't made me feel badly that he hasn't mended right away.

I am going to stop right now, because I'm verging on saying things I know I will later regret. We will talk about this later.
lordtyr
Oct. 2nd, 2002 05:34 pm (UTC)
Re: My not so humble opinion.
I will, out of respect for you, go back in my cave without further expression. Since I am obviously not welcome, I'd appreciate it if you would send me my stuff, Jess.
onyxangel
Oct. 3rd, 2002 10:12 am (UTC)
Re: My not so humble opinion.
Okay - where did you get that you weren't welcome? You ARE welcome. Its my journal. What I don't want is the bickering, from EITHER party. I'll send you your stuff, but you ARE welcome to my journal, and you always will be.
lordtyr
Oct. 3rd, 2002 08:19 pm (UTC)
Re: My not so humble opinion.
My reference to not being welcome was to your shared residence, not your journal, darlin'. I know I'm welcome here, and I know who my friends are. Don't get in a big row over this if you can help it, her opinion of me matters about as much as mine does of and to her. Since the likelihood of her and I like, ever interacting again is pretty minimal, I'd say its best dropped. I don't understand the animosity, but its just something to shrug my shoulders at. Got more immediate concerns in my life. Seems sort of interesting to me, though. Vengeance is a perfectly acceptable attitude/process to Asatruar, and quite understandable. One of the fundamental reasons Christianity didn't pass muster with me. Didn't think that sort of 'pain through dismemberment' attitude was generally associated with Wicca.... I guess you can WISH harm as long as you don't DO harm, eh? Well not you personally. Bah, you know what I mean. Well anyway, try not to get caught in the karmastorm if you can manage. Fenris seems like good people by all accounts (yeah, so maybe I checked a little). Glad you're happy, girl. :)
onyxangel
Oct. 4th, 2002 09:25 am (UTC)
Re: My not so humble opinion.
*chuckles* Its nice to know you still look out for me ;) *hugs you tight* I'm glad you're happy too
fenris10
Oct. 5th, 2002 11:55 pm (UTC)
Re: My not so humble opinion.
Greetings Lord Tyr. I have heard some about you and I am finally introducing myself. Hows life in Korea? I was in Germeny for 2 1/2 years so I kind of know what its like to be a stranger in a strange land. I was in the Army for 6 years and enjoyed most of it. I can relate to your rant about the promotions boards. I was an E5 working on my E6. However in my job there was nowhere to move past E5. They told me that for me to get my E6 I would either have to become a Drill Sargent or a Recruiter. Sorry not my cup of coffee. So I left. I miss it some times I am glad I did leave. Well enough about me for now. You are more than welcome to read my insane droolings on my journal and post if the fancy strikes you. Drop me a line if you just need to rant or unwind. I hope that I can make atleast some of your time here on Midgard tolerable.
lordtyr
Oct. 6th, 2002 04:40 pm (UTC)
Re: My not so humble opinion.
Greetings and well met Fenris! If you've served, then I know you feel my pain. :) I got the same speech about Drill/Recruiting in reference to my SFC. I said the same thing. I'm quite content to retire as a SSG, can't live on it but it'll pay the mortgage. The Army is an all too bizarre reality, no matter where the assignment is. Korea is especially twisted. Two weeks ago they were throwing molotov cocktails over the fence at the fuel tanks at our gas station. South Koreans. Nice, eh? Personally I think we should all just load up and go back to the states. Let Korea re-unify. Only it won't quite go the way the South Koreans planned. :) In any event, thanks for the invite to your journal, onyx can tell you I'm fairly quiet, but I do occasionally have something to say. I do try to keep my ranting to a minimum, but sometimes it just needs to be vented. Lately my wrath at the Army has been practically boundless. Six more years. Its like a mantra. :) Anyway, welcome to my side of the funny farm. The pills are small, the jackets are snug, the nurses give sponge baths and they sometimes even fluff my pillow. Who can complain in the face of all that?
( 19 comments — Drop A Feather )