May 8th, 2002

devil girl

Thoughts inspired by an email...

I'm on a yahoo group that discusses bdsm (yeah, I know, shocker)...on this particular list, I caught an email that expressed some of the same things I feel. The lady who wrote it stated that she is not submissive but enjoys being dominated, and went on to elaborate on the differences between the two for her. Another lady, in response, made the comment that to her, that was what she saw as bratting. She went on to say that she was submissive, and that she chooses to be there and knows her Dom well enough to know what he wants, when, etc.
For myself, I'm somewhere in the middle. I totally understand, and enjoy, both sides of this. I love the feel of being actively Dominated..its totally different than being on my knees before someone willingly, of my own accord. I've always felt that to dominate me, you *must* be stronger than me. You must be able to decide that you want me on my knees (for an example, though so many things can fit in place of that!)..and literally put me there. I realize that this would be a bit tedious for most on a full time basis...even for me. I'm not entirely sure I'd enjoy that myself.
I've always said that I'm submissive by choice, and this may have something to do with how I view this whole subject. I don't feel a need to be submissive. I enjoy it, but frankly, can live without it. I do, however, often feel the need to be dominated. I know this seems the same, but in some respects, it isn't. I submit willingly, without being made to, because I know a partner enjoys it..and because, at times, I enjoy it. I do not submit willingly out of any kind of need, or nature or whatever. Again, the need I have is to be dominated..'forced' to my knees, made to serve in whatever capacity is desired. I have the need to essentially be left no choice. Ultimately I make the choice I realize..after all, I'm there..I'm challenging the dominant to put me where I belong. I make the choice to challenge, and take the chance on being made to serve. I do not make the choice to serve on my own. Therein lies the difference between submitting and being Dominated. I get a greater thrill and a bigger charge out of the later, sexually, mentally and spiritually. Unfortunately, my expereience in either field is currently greatly limited..but I hope to expand. I submit willingly because as much as I thrill in having no choice..I don't want it to constantly be that way. At some point, I want the choice.
In the meantime...I await the man who can accept and return the challenge. The man who can force me to my knees, and make me his.
devil girl

(no subject)

Okay..the only problem with posting something like my last that, I'm thinking. Well..more accurately, fantasing. *sigh* And well, the problem is...I'm at work. *whimper*
Damn shame I'm not at home....with toys...or better yet....being dominated in the many many ways I picture....