July 4th, 2002

devil girl

Wednesday night social

Yeah, I went. For the first time in a long time..was supposed to meet someone there, but she didn't show. Oh well, that's the way the cookie crumbles one supposes :) She explained to me why afterward, and I didn't wholly agree with her reasoning, but, whatever.
Last night was open mic night, and it was great. I'm thinking of maybe having someone read a couple of my poems, but they aren't sexually explicit so I'm not sure they'd allow it. I did notice though that not all of it was sexually explicit. I'll think on this some more, as I'm not entirely sure who I'd want to read it. I know that I won't...the idea of being up there on stage with a microphone in my face just makes my stomach turn. Makes me sweat just thinking about it.
Anyway, I met a couple there..a couple that I've talked to a few times. Found some interesting information about them. And..about myself, in some ways. Some vague thoughts were given..a form of sort. A bit of background perhaps..for those that are familiar, I used to roleplay Gor. I love to roleplay Gor, it gives me a feeling of structure that I don't normally have. I do, however, have incredible doubts about living Gor. I'm not entirely sure I could be a slave with literally nothing. I've worked hard to get where I am, and damnit, its mine! At any rate, I'd been giving some thought to creating my own IRC channel for the roleplay of Gor, since most are 'real life' rooms. I've forgotten most of what I've learned of Gor, both the online crap and the book stuff. So, with thoughts of Gor running through my head in the mist of vague thoughts....we get to talking. About submission and slavery, and a smattering of other topics. She mentions that they are Gorean, and that later in the year, they are going to try and be with a Clan of the Wagon People. Now, those of you who have any idea of Gor may understand..those of you that don't, I'll try to explain if you ask. But, this very idea..intrigues me. Greatly. The Wagon People were a great draw for me, and I loved the Nomads book for that very reason. But, people living this? I don't see it. I don't translate that well, I guess. But...its still..intriguing. Even more so for the timing. Is this perhaps another vehicle to gain the next step of my journey? For awhile now, I've felt stuck...as if something has to give. Is it giving way now? Or am I just thinking way too much? No choice but to see..to see where it goes, if anywhere. She did mention roleplay rooms too, which I fully intend to check out. I want to play again..it burns in my blood for some reason. I love roleplay, but..really, Gor is the only roleplay I actually *miss*. Maybe that's because I can find other roleplay easily? Who knows.
Another note about yesterday...I found the ring Bryan lost in my car. The Anhk. Strange how it turns up now...under a can of pop that had fallen between the passanger seat and the door. I say this because I've been having dreams lately about communication, or perhaps the lack of. One that's been sticking in my mind is one I had the other night. Its only a snippet of the dream..but, in this dream, I have my cell phone. And as usual, the battery is dead..and for some reason, this causes panic and chaos. The details are fuzzy, but that's the gist of it. The reason that the ring is significant is because Bryan showed me something that has to do with communication. A certain way to wear it to either filter 'input' (on a mystical level, if you will) or not. I think I have it where it isn't filtering. The top of the anhk is toward others, which means I draw it down (from the wide end) and channel it into myself (to the narrow end). If I remember correctly...I'll ask Bryan for clarification tomorrow, and let him know I found it. But...strange that I find it now...