July 25th, 2002

devil girl

(no subject)

They fired mom yesterday. They said for call avoidance. *blink* Why am I beginning to feel like I'm in line for the chopping block? Its..discomforting. I think I'll really begin that job search I've been thinking about. Why wait until they decide its my turn? I hate looking for jobs. Suckage. Much suckage.
I dropped by the social tonight. I had fun, but was tired. I stopped by grandma's after, to borrow money and bring mom her papers. I'm glad grandma was able to lend me what I needed, and hopefully I won't have to borrow from her for a long time again. My finances aren't quite as bad as I thought, but it looks like the cable check was reversed. *sigh* Ugh. I need to learn to manage my money better.
On a positive note, it seems I've found someone to spend time with. He's cool, and I feel very comfortable around him. I guess we'll see where it goes. We've discussed a great many things, both relationship/lifestyle related and not. Its very nice :)
I didn't get my book from the library, *again*. Time has conspired against me. I think I'm giving up, at this point, I'll never get it read *sigh* Try again with the next one. Geeze.
On this note...I think I'm going to find some food. I haven't had much to eat but some ramen noodle...bleh.
devil girl

(no subject)

Hmn. Well, here I am at work, entirely divulged in a thread on a message board. A thread that I had thought to stay away from, but, being me, I couldn't. Its a thread on words that indicate racism. I see some good points...and agree that what something means to me, may not mean to another. I agree that words only have the power that we give them..but I've said it before. Make no mistake that words *do* have power. If they didn't, then we would not be so quick to get a reaction from them. Regardless of the reaction.
I did ask though, how one could use a word that is a racist word in a non-racist way? I'm confused on that one. I will mull that one over and see what I come up with, but I just don't see it. Maybe its because I have had to defend myself against racist terms before. It doesn't bother me so much now, to be called those things..."haole" means little more than 'white-person' to me now that I'm on the mainland again. But...when I was growing up, and the only white girl in school...it was often used as an insult, and slung at me on the play ground. It doesn't bother me now because I don't *let* it...but does that really make it any less of a racist word? No. Not really.
These, however, are just my thoughts. More often than not, these are things I keep to myself. Why? Because...in my 'old' age, I have become afraid to contradict because it might lead to confrontation. Confrontation is nasty, and a frightful thing. It makes my stomach turn and my palms sweaty. It means that I may 'lose'...and that, just couldn't be done. I'm learning folks...just give me a bit of time. Soon, I'll rock the boat with the best of the them, and have the nerve to back what I say and..if you can't take it...get off my damn boat.