August 1st, 2002

devil girl

(no subject)

So, tonight I settled on Goth coffee. I had almost decided against it, against both options really and just coming home. I was tired enough. I'm glad I didn't though. I actually enjoyed myself. It's not that I expected different really, but that here I was, once again facing a large crowd of people I didn't know. Yes, alright, I knew one or two....but still. I actually got to see a couple people I knew quite unexpectedly, and that was a rather nice surprise.
Having decided to head down and just take a chance, I had stopped by Rite Aid first in search of something to keep myself occupied, just in case. I got a couple crossword books and set upon my meager journey. Turns out that I didn't really need them, as the Muse decided that it was a perfect time to visit. And me without paper, naturally. Mistress Irony apparently wasn't done with me ;) I did, however, manage to find a few pamphlets that had blank side upon which to scribble my thoughts. I'll post them here, and maybe to my writing journal when I'm done with this. That'll teach me not to have a notebook with me.
I got to meet a few new people too, one I've seen down there before, but don't think he's part of the Goth crowd. I know he plays chess, and he happened to read some of my writing I think. I'd left it on the table when I went to use the restroom. He asked me about it, and now has my writing site. *deep breath* A total stranger..and I actually *gave* it to him. Improvement on coming out of my shell I should say. Huge step.
I think I saw Stax down there, but I'm not sure it was her. I didn't get a chance to say hello...I meant to, but I got distracted. Not hard to do with no sleep and little caffiene. In fact, as I recall, that was most likely what distracted me. Coooffffeeeee. I was approached by a nice young man who's name begins with J. I'm sorry, but I didn't catch all of it...the music was up, and he caught me in the midst of writing. I wasn't prepared and missed some of what he said. He was wearing a frisbee ring (those orange ones, not sure what the 'official' name for them are) as a hat and had a wonderful smile. I think I chased him off with my severe lack of social skills tonight. *sigh* Must apologize. I'm not good with small talk in this kind of situation. However, he's welcome to help me practice! ;) So, if by some chance he gets directed here.....now ya know.
Right now I'm home...and my mind is fuzzy. I'm tired and have caffiene coursing through my veins...not always the best of combinations. I'll be going to bed shortly, but I wanted to take a peek around on the board and update my journal before I forgot everything..which I'm sure there's some I've forgotten.
Oh! Yes...there is. It was nice to see TMIB again, and get hugs :) I always enjoy talking to him. It was also great to see and get hugs from XavierCross. Well, and pokes *smirks* And his new room mate. Though, oddly, he seems familiar to me and I can't place why. Look forward to spending time with both. I was even invited to play a game of chess by the room mate, but ...alas...I suck at checkers which is infinately less complicated than that chess game. Mental note to self - next time bring cards and see if I can seduce him into a card game *grin*
devil girl

Observations

People thronged within the small building, spilling out into the street beyond. The music blared, and voices crecendoed in an attempt to mask the beat. Black reigned supreme as people milled about, tossing greetings and smiles to one another. So many colors of personalities layered beneath the black clothing. The air is rich with the aroma of fresh brewed coffee.
I sit and observe the crowd. In the middle, yet apart. I smile at the warmth that radiates around me, unable to help myself. I bathe myself in the beauty that surrounds me. The sun escapes beyond the horizon, immersing the city in shades of neon. The music changes, becoming more sultry as candles are set about and the lights are dimmed.
The energy is so strong it pulses through me, soothing me. For once, I don't feel so removed. A perfect stranger in an amusing makeshift hat boldly introduces himself and shares a smile. In turn, I smile and try to talk. Nervousness makes me awkward, and I fear in those few words, I've managed to turn his attention elsewhere. In his few moments of talking, he looks to my writing, but I am greedy and not yet ready to share. Perhaps I will, sometime. Maybe when I know why I've written.
But, for now, the Muse calls, and I must answer in the way that I can. I'll keep this bold stranger in mind and attempt to make up for my lack of social skills sometime. Right now, I'll allow myself to feel accomplished. I came out of my shell long enough to join this crowd. Join them, as an observer, on the outskirts...for now. There are a few here that I know, and chat with...many more that I'd like to meet and get to know. One day, I'll have the nerve.
The energy I feel is a good energy, warm and welcoming. It seems to say that I don't have to float among them as a phantom shadow. It thrives and reminds me that I am flesh, visible to all.
devil girl

A game of chess

The battle begins
Night against morning light.
The opponents size each other up,
guessing what the other is likely to do.
The pawns begin to move,
And the game of Gods has begun.
Slowly, the knights advance to claim the queen,
the bishops rally to defense.
A clash of color upon the board,
the rise of dawn or the fall of twilight?
The queen has fallen!
As suddenly as it began,
It ended.
Night and day will face each other once again.
Does it matter who won?
devil girl

(no subject)

Its strange to think how much of myself I really do put here. People I've never met "know" me. *smiles* Just...a particular conversation brought that into an alarming light. I won't change it though, the purpose of this journal after all, is discovering me. And, to push my limits on what is known about me. I used to be a *lot* more private....and I think its done me some good to put myself in public view..to expose myself, to some small degree.
On this note...I'll put even more of myself here, however mundane these particular thoughts may be. What can I say? I do, at times, live a boring life ;)
I was late to work today, lack of sleep tends to make one not *hear* the alarm blaring in one's ear. So, this generated some thought about a shift change. I think 10:30 to 7:30 pm might be a good shift. I hate mornings...despise them with a passion, always have. I'm cranky in the mornings, and coffee, despite the myth, does *not* help. I'm slow in the mornings, unable to think clearly, nor do I have the desire to do so. So, later in the morning is better. I didn't do it before because I kept thinking of silly things like "But, I don't want to get home that late", "I don't want to eat dinner that late really, cooking time and all that", "It'll cut into my social time..". Blah. First, I've discovered I don't really do anything before that time anyway, so that's not a reason. The only thing it would affect is me seeing Bryan during the week, and I don't very often anymore. I could still volunteer at the club, so that wouldn't be affected either. As far as eating, well, if I eat much...its usually after 8 pm anyway. I'll think on it more...