December 17th, 2003

devil girl

(no subject)

Got quite a bit done today..and I'm so tired. I should be in bed..but, I'm beyond sleep. I'll pay for it tomorrow..fortunately, I only have to be up at the welfare office for two hours. But, then there's the running around...searching for a place to live. Everywhere has waiting least 6 weeks, and that's for 2 bedrooms. *sigh* I don't know anymore. Sometimes I wonder why I bother trying...every brick I tear down another one gets added. I think my spine is permanently bent with the weight of the world.
Went to Lista's tonight....and I think it was much needed bonding time. She's one of a very few women I consider friends. We bonded over Tarot ;) I did a reading for her, and she did one for me.....which, in fact, supports my earlier statement of more bricks piling on. Though, she pointed out that I just need to keep plugging away and eventually I'll get there. I just hope she's right....I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, and I'm trying -real- hard to hold onto the faith that its there. Bleh. I've thrown myself more pity parties of late than I think I have in my life...and no, not all of them are listed here.
She pointed out (via the cards) that I'm feeling like a pawn..and I very much am. Too many hands in the pot, and not enough room to maneuver. The cards say its an illegitimate, its time to take action, to figure out where to go and what to do. Tomorrow, more hunting for housing....and possibly calling some of the shelters. I've also got to look into daycare. So much to do....
It was fun with Lista though - we had a conversation with the tarot cards. I love this deck...its not a typical tarot deck, and thus, I feel like I can have fun with it. I think it helps 'bond' with the cards....and I know that it helped bond with Lista.
Oh! Yes! I had an interview today...a nice bright spot. I think I did well on it, and she said they'd get back to me within the next couple weeks either way. Kyros said he put in a good word for me (THANKS!), hopefully they'll get back to me with a yes. *crosses fingers*
devil girl

Quiet morning

Fenris is at a class, Pan's at school and the baby is playing in his swing. I have 30 minutes left before I have to go anywhere, and I'm all ready but for my coffee. Ahhhhhh. Its been nice having this morning to myself, no Fenris hovering over me or pressuring me to get ready in one way or another. I had an hour and a half to get ready once I dropped him off and came home...I took a relaxing shower, got dressed....dressed up even....even went so far as to put in contacts and blow dry my hair. This isn't much...but, its a lot for me. I think its just been the quiet time that's been a lot. *happy sigh*
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