November 25th, 2005

devil girl

All in all...

its been a good day. I had to work today, which was kind of a bummer. At least it was slow...I mean really slow. I took 3 or 4 calls all day long. For the better part of the day, they had most of us on 'meeting' because our service levels were too high. I did manage to get an early out about 30 minutes before my shift ended. I was hoping for earlier, but hey, I'll take even that.
I didn't get to Cheryl's until after everyone had eaten :( I had enough time to eat while playing a new game she got. It was fun. I just wish I'd been able to be there sooner. I was only able to spend aobut an hour - hour and a half over there before we were all ready to come home. Garrett is staying over there tonight. Mom, Cheryl and Bill go out and about tomorrow, as has been the tradition for a few years now (something like ten). She'll bring Jae over for Gary to watch both kids while they go out. I'm working tomorrow so that leaves me out of the equation on this. I'm sure grandma will enjoy the quiet time to herself at the house :)
I've been fairly productive the last couple days. I managed to get quite a few errands done, though there are still some things I need to take care of. Next week I'll be able to finish those things up, I think. I did get some laundry done, even got some folded and put away while the kids were in daycare. I even got the living room cleaned - vacuumed behind the chairs and everything. I even got to sit and enjoy the clean before the kids got home to mess it up again LOL
There's more to do with the house, and I hope to work on that in the coming weeks. We've decided to have a Christmas tree up this year, and are thus working toward having the house clean enough. Mom said she'd like to have Christmas over here like we used to. I think that would be great.

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving to all....remember to count your blessings, even in the difficult times.
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devil girl

Well-Being Cards

Today I decided it was time to see what the universe has to say in the way
of general knowledge. Maybe later I'll do a Tarot reading for more in-depth
information.



Well Being Cards:



I am selfish enough to want to feel good

I can relax into my natural well-being

I bless and appreciate every religion



My thoughts:



I'm doing this based on the face of the card, and not reading the
'definitions' on the back. Its okay for me to relax and feel good about
myself and those around me. Its time to celebrate the differences between
myself and my friends (or coworkers and family).



Care to share some thoughts?
devil girl

Tarot Reading

I went searching through google for a tarot spread that 'felt' right. I was
thinking more relationships and 'romance', but I found a Thanksgiving
spread. I've read through it, and the example reading...and though it's the
day after Thanksgiving, I still think its appropriate. I found the spread on
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I went searching through google for a tarot spread that 'felt' right. I was
thinking more relationships and 'romance', but I found a Thanksgiving
spread. I've read through it, and the example reading...and though it's the
day after Thanksgiving, I still think its appropriate. I found the spread on
<a href=http://www.tarotpassages.com/Pages2/2001novspread.htm
<http://www.tarotpassages.com/Pages2/2001novspread.htm> >this site</a>.



Card 1 Fork Card 2 Plate Card 3 Knife Card 4 Spoon



The Fork: What do I knowingly and actively give thanks for?



Two of Pentacles - I knowingly and actively give thanks for my achievements,
and for my ability to keep things running smoothly. I have to be careful
that my drive for achievement does not overshadow my happiness. I also have
to be careful that I don't judge myself, or others, by achievements alone.



The Plate: What should I recognize is worthy of giving thanks for that I
presently am unaware of?



Five of Swords - I am constantly prepared for battle. Confrontation seems to
be brewing in the background and the only solution to things. However, this
could cost me more than I'm willing to pay. I should be thankful that I have
the ability to concede and think of other ways to attain 'victory'. I should
also be thankful that I have as much as I do.



The Knife: How can I show my gratitude on a deep internal level?



Six of Cups - I should not let the past control me. I need to wake up each
day with a 'fresh start' sort of attitude. Every person I meet is a new
person, and I should not fall into the trap of comparing them to others in
my past. I need to let the past go and move into the future with a balanced
idea of romance and life.



The Spoon: How can I show my gratitude on an external level?



Three of wands - I need to take my time with things, and not rush through to
the 'end result'. I need to understand that the universe has things in
motion and that the outcome is beyond my control. To this extent, I need to
just let go a little and let the stars take their course in the night sky.



For some reason, I drew a 5th card. I'm not sure where it places in this
reading, really...perhaps it's the linen - things to come? I don't know.
However, since I drew it, I will include it here. I'm sure that it has some
pertinence to this.



5th Card:



Knight of Wands - Do not go recklessly into the future. Take head - fools
tread where angels refuse to fly.



It seems everything is within my control. I need to give thanks on a daily
level, in my thoughts and actions toward others and myself. Wands seem to
prevail indicative of the need to watch my actions and reactions to
situations and people. Overall, it seems fairly balanced - I give thanks for
things material in my life I need to work on my intellectual views of my own
world. I need to have a better grasp on my emotions, and start changing them
to the positive. I need to watch my actions - they speak louder than my
words.



Please feel free to chime in thoughts :-)
devil girl

Things churning in this brain of mine

Lately, I've been giving much thought to life, love and myself. I've been
trying to reign myself in from getting caught up - in anything. I've been
processing what it is I see, feel and want into something tangible. Several
times this task has given me pause and given me opportunity to search
deeper.



I believe that if someone is meant to be with me, they will be. If I let go
just enough and have just enough patience, they will find their way back to
me. Does this mean I sit back and do nothing? No, not necessarily. What it
does mean is that I need to learn when to sit back and wait....and
when to actively make myself known. This seems to be a fine line, and
require just about near perfect timing. Miss a stage, and the person's
gone...either because you did something at the wrong time, or you did
nothing when you should have done something.

Even if you've met the person you're 'meant' to be with, it doesn't mean
that now is the time. Lets not forget that each of us has lessons to
learn, and perhaps a few more need to be learned before the desire effect is
attained. Yes, I will admit to grandiose ideas of love. I fall prey to that
rose-colored view of love and romance. I believe fairy tale loves are
possible, if rare.

I'm discovering that I don't really know when to move and when to stay
still. This can be a bit daunting, in that I see what I want.....or at
least, what I think I want....and I'm paralyzed by a sense of ...something.
Fear? Maybe. I get caught up in the "But he likes so and so better." "She
has more to offer than I do", etc. I do fine with my self-esteem, until its
challenged.

For instance, my friend and I often have the same men around us. They like
her, they like me...they enjoy playing with us both. This is fine, for the
most part....until I start thinking "He's going to like her better
because....(insert any number of reasons here). The problem is, I almost
always think that. I'm half convinced I live in her shadow...and I'm not
sure why. Where did these thoughts come from? Why can't I be as confident in
myself as I think I am? In the face of this, I get disappointed and upset
with myself. I like to think I'm a confident woman. I like to think I have a
decent grasp of reality. I notice that when I slip in my confidence is in
these kind of situations.

My lesson here - which has everything to do with life, love and myself - is
to learn to face that challenge. To learn to bring myself out of the shadow
of others, so to speak. I need to figure out how to gain confidence in
myself that's not typically shaken by the 'comparison' of another. Of
course, if I didn't compare myself to others, I'd win half the batter. Too
bad there isn't a little switch that can be thrown to fix this issue.

I'm a good woman. I'm a good mother. I enjoy who I am, even if I get a
little lost along the way of discovering me. I surround myself with people
who would not intentionally hurt me - with people who I can trust and
haven't given me a reason not to. Yet, I find myself holding back...out of
fear. Fear that I won't live up to expectations, fear that I really can't
trust these people - who knows what they do or say when I'm not around? I
feel no driving need to be constantly around anyone...that would drive me as
nuts as it would them, I think.

When it comes down to it, I need to learn the rules of love. I need to
figure out what it is I want. Then, I need to figure out how to see
that in others. Last, I need to learn where that line of "sit and wait" and
"act now" are and not step over it.

Most of all, I need to find a true sense of confidence in myself.
devil girl

Another reading...

This one is using the Bright Shadow Spread - found on the website I listed
earlier.



It's a pretty simple spread - shuffle and cut the deck into 4 piles. Each
pile represents one of the following realms: physical, mental, emotional and
spiritual. Search through the piles until the sun card is located - this is
the area in your life which contains your highest or yet untapped potential.
From this stack, shuffle and cut the cards into 3 more piles. The first pile
addresses "What aids me in developing my Bright Shadow?" Choose a card to
answer. Second pile is "What hinders me in developing my Bright Shadow?"
Choose a card to answer. The third shows the possible outcome, once you have
found and developed your bright shadow. Choose your final card.



I found the sun card in my pile representing the emotional realm.



What helps me:



King of Swords - My intelligence helps me along my path. Each step I take, I
gain wisdom and am comfortable sharing in that wisdom - and learning from
the wisdom of others



What hinders me:



Ten of Pentacles - a false feeling of fulfillment. An idea that the end has
been met - that I have everything I need or want. Perhaps it alludes to my
not so thrifty spending habits. Or is it the fear of moving on to something
new? I've gotten comfortable with where I am, and I feel rich because of it.



Possible outcome:



Nine of cups - A sense of warmth and happiness. Good cheer. The ability to
share such joy with others who are close to me. In essence, getting what I
want and being comfortable enough to enjoy it.



Again, if you have insight please share with me. :-)