June 5th, 2007

devil girl

Some days are just worth it.

I don't believe in a 3-fold law, per se. I do, however, believe that you get what you give or other such variants. The degree of giving and getting is all dependent and not set in karmic law, in my opinion.
I try not to do things that would illicit a karmic smack, but sometimes its oh so worth the risk - and the smack.
Like this weekend for instance. It isn't so much that I wish ill on anyone, but when certain individuals bring it upon themselves, I'll take the opportunity to laugh.
I brought someone to the party with me. I, in fact, brought his mother. After he'd refused her a ride on Friday, knowing well in advance that she wanted to go. Of course, he decided he didn't have time.
Well, to say the least, he was surprised to see her there. Angry, even. Even more so when she told him that she'd arrived with me. And even more so when she imparted news that I have his daughter for a month. His words were "This is the first I've heard that."
It's all about control for him. He's loosing the last vestiges of control over us, and he knows it. I no longer need his approval for things, like seeing his daughter (not that I ever did - but he'd like to think so). He's loosing his control over his mother's ability to socialize. No longer can he deem when and where she socializes with "his" group.
While I find it amusing, it serves as a great reminder as to why I've moved on. I'd like to think he hasn't, but I'm aware that's an ego trip :P In a lot of ways, I know he hasn't moved on with his life - not that I believe he's all about me, I just mean that he's repeating the same patterns. I predict the same sort of outcome for things. In the meantime, I will get great enjoyment out of watching him flounder about by events he's brought onto himself.
Some days....its just worth the karma smack.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
devil girl

Turning over a new leaf....

I hope. I know I've said it before - complained about it multiple times. My weight.

I have noticed, recently, its effecting my self-esteem more than it used to. I don't feel beautiful or sexy when I look in the mirror - I feel fat. I hate that feeling. At the party this weekend, I almost avoided the hot tub, because the idea of people seeing me nude was ...well, not comforting, to say the least. And it wasn't my usual bout of modesty. I went in with my arms held over my stomach, as if to hide it from people. I'm tired of feeling this way, or having that desire.

So, I've decided to give weight loss another go. I've tried before, but have only done so half-heartedly, and have not, thus far managed to stick to a diet of any sort. I can't guarantee I'll do better this time, but I'm certainly going to try! Besides, this time isn't so much of a 'diet'. I just need to change my eating habits a little bit at a time and become healthier. Not to mention, I need to increase my activity.

So, knowing what to do, I've begun already. I've begun tracking my excersize and food at myfitnesspal.com - linked in swade's journal. I think, so far, I'm doing pretty good. I haven't had to cut out any foods, or anything that drastic. I haven't even had to cut out my soda, though I am trying to cut back on that. I am trying to drink more water as well.

This morning, even though it isn't tracked (mostly because I'm not sure where to add pilates), I did some pilates. Or, I tried. I did stick with the attempt for 30 minutes. I think, though, that I'm going to have to find something else. Not because the excersizes are too difficult, per se, but because a lot are done on your back with your legs in "table" position. Which is where you lift your legs, bending them at the knee like you're going to bring them to your chest. I discovered that there's a spot on my back, near the tailbone, that hurts when I do that. I'm not talking a little bit of muscle groaning and protest because they aren't used to being used. Oh, no...I'm talking bone hurting enough to bring tears to my eyes. I fear that the yoga dvd I have, which is given by the same instructor, will hold many of the same types of positions - and I can't do that kind of pain. It was a bit discouraging, to say the least. I'm looking into purchasing yoga booty ballet or hip hop abs (yeah, I know, too many informercials). They look fun actually....and though it may be hard to keep up at first, I think I can do it.

Anyway, wish me luck!
  • Current Mood
    hopeful hopeful
devil girl

Who knew....

that 1 oz of mayo had more calories than a Krispy Kreme donought?? Here I thought I was being a bad girl for succombing to the seduction of the glazed doughnut....
  • Current Mood
    shocked shocked