July 31st, 2007

devil girl

Not quite what I expected...

Your Score: 10", Willow, Veela

You scored 36 wisdom, 38 bravery, 31 emotional, and 5 martyrdom!

A willow wand signifies that you care deeply about emotions, art, and intuition, and that you have a particular knack for charms. The veela hair as a wand core means that you are slightly unpredictable but very powerful.

Link: The Harry Potter Wand Test written by sputnik845 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test
devil girl


I should get more done on this transcript, considering all three volumes are due next Monday. I'm just....not motivated. I've had to push myself all day to concentrate on this, force myself (quite literally at some points) to keep my eyes open.

Now I'm awake, but it's warm and sunny outside. It's the kind of day that just beckons to you relentlessly. It mocks you when you remain indoors, unheading of its call.

Of course, I could knock off 30 minutes early and make up for it later in the week. There's only 73 pages left to do....and I should be able to get that done fairly quick, I think. The last volume is only 140 pages, which shouldn't take terribly long. Right?

I'm getting more consistant at 12 pages per hour, at least. Yeah...so, uhm...*sigh*

I should probably buckle down and do 30 more minutes of work, just to be "safe". After all, when I'm done editing, they have to be proofed and final proofed.

  • Current Mood
    lethargic lethargic
devil girl

Okay....well, I'm impressed....

So, one of the things that gets slighly annoying during my day is that there's a racing company a few buildings away from us - less than a block. On nice days like today, they take the race cars out for test drives (I'm assuming)....this doesn't seem all that bad, except that they're loud and obnoxious and because this is an otherwise *very* quiet neighboorhood seem even more obnoxious. I can hear them a block away, and I can't hear over them when they pass beneath my window (because, you know, my day just would not be complete without at least one obnoxious race car passing under my open window)

I mean...seriously. Shouldn't you do that at a race track or something? Oh yes, let's not mention the stop sign at the end of the street where my building is. They like to sit and idle there.....

Obnoxious bastards. Some days, I'm even slightly envious of them...which makes them even more obnoxious. Bastards.
devil girl


I got curious as to how long I've had my journal. It's been since 2001, which is interesting in itself, but not enough to make me post. Of course, I had to revisit the past - see how much things have changed. I found that some things...don't. Here's a clip that is still more or less true for me, the original was posted back in 2001.

I like the fear, that's what gets my blood pounding. I'm not a pain slut by any means..but give me some fear, let me dance on the edge, and I'll fly. I'm not sure why dancing on the edge appeals to me so much. Maybe its the age old romance of it - you know, wanting to be one of the wild girls or something. I can feel that girl inside me, wanting out. The thing is, I don't know how to get her out. The me that's prominant wants things nice and neat and orderly, even safe. There's comfort in routine, and I find that comfort. Yet, there she is lingering, crying to get out...and I find myself wanting to let her out, but unsure of how to unlock the nice neat little cage she's in. Maybe that fear is how I know you dominate me. Its the manifestation of the emotion? Its 'forcing' me to trust you completely, even for just a little while. And, well, trust is an incredibly difficult thing for me - especially when it comes to men. I've run the gambit, cheated on, left behind (most of the time, its me who tries to cling to the relationship, to make it work), beaten (not in a good way), choked, nearly killed (in my own opinion). All this has left me terrified of men and relationships. Ever since that *one*, none of my relationships have lasted - and I've gone from one extreme to the other. Now, I feel like I'm finding middle ground - and I have a relationship that's working...its fitting in all the right ways. There's still some elements missing, on the kink side, but that's because we're just learning each other and exploring - its not due to a lack of interest or desire. But, that fear, is needed. I crave it. Perhaps its that, in that fear, I am helpless. Utterly helpless...

I still dance on the edge when I can, but I've not yet learned to fly. Not really - a mere fledgling that's flapped her wings in the nest but never been pushed from the branch. My life is..mundane. It's normal, boring...unexciting and certainly nothing to fear, because there *is* comfort in routine.
That wild girl still lingers just beneath the surface, caged. Her cries are not as loud as they used to be, but they are there, plaintive...sometimes almost pleading. Six years later, I still don't know how to unlock that door for her. I've changed so much, added new experiences...but, some things are buried deep.
I still have a hard time trusting in men - in relationships. My most ....

oops, be back