February 1st, 2011

devil girl

A new resolution

It isn't a new years thing. It's simply a new resolution. I've paid for a lifetime account on this and in the last couple years, I haven't used it much. It's a waste of space and a waste of money. So, I have made a resolution to use it. I will do that by journaling every night, before bed, about my day. It could be a list of what I've done, what I hope to do the next day, how I feel....whatever. The point is that I'm writing. Not all of my posts will be for public consumption. I have to get over my refusal to use that private setting - and/or figure out my friends posts, so I can post to certain groups if I want. So, I'm starting today - which, for me, is still the 31st, even though it's technically the 1st. That whole I haven't been to sleep yet.
I didn't get as much done as I wanted - which seems to be more usual than I'd like. I did, however, get some laundry folded and fixed the vacuum. And by fix it, I mean that I had to unscrew the hose and figure out where it was clogged. Ironically - I didn't *have* to unscrew the hose as I found the clog to be at the brush end of the hose. Figures. Still, I've been putting off dealing with the vacuum out of fear. Not fear of taking it apart, but fear that I wouldn't be able to put it back together again. I did. It was great. And I vacuumed the living room - just to prove to myself that it worked.
There were things I should have done today and didn't. I have to learn how to stop procrastinating when I don't want to deal with things. Sometimes, it's just a hassle. Sometimes I just don't want to. Sometimes it's that I don't want to deal with the confrontation. I live my life in fear...still. What if is still the most fearful question there is.
My hope with this blind writing is that eventually, I will hone it down to something meaningful. Not that the ramblings aren't...but, they aren't so much. Most of it is just..fluff. Something to say to fill the space. And, hopefully, at some point the thoughts will become more cohesive rather than twisting all over the place. I've read many bloggers who start this way - with the "blind writing" and progress.
Tomorrow, I have to look at going back to school. I don't mean just look at websites, but actively do something. As much as I grated my teeth this morning, D brought up some good points. Time is going by too fast - if I stay much longer, I'll be stuck here. It'll be too late to change for the better. It'll trickle down to the kids. I don't want that. I don't want to be stuck. But...what happens if I get out there and I fail? At any rate, I think I'm going to call ECC tomorrow for their medical billing and coding. I think that's what I've finally decided on.
I should log off and go to bed. I have to be up in the morning to get the kids off to school.
  • Current Mood
    contemplative contemplative
devil girl

Oh...a few thoughts...

I cleaned my desk today too. I want to start reading my tarot cards on a regular basis - but I couldn't do it with my desk the way it was. So, I cleaned it. Also, there's a webcam job I am considering - and I have to clean the room for that. I started it - cleaned out the closet mostly. I now have to finish that and move some of the stuff out here into the closet. If I'd just knuckle down and do it - it would probably take me a day, at most. Tomorrow...
devil girl


As a side note - I have decided that in addition to my nightly post, I should update whenever I have a thought or something I want to say.
I've spent my afternoon looking over course material from EvCC for medical transcription and medical coding. Both programs are available online. Courses begin March 28th for the Spring Quarter. I'm excited about doing this, about moving forward in some way. I've decided to do the MT. I can always move into coding later - or other things as well.
But, now that I've decided what I want to do, I can't fill out the financial aid forms. I click on the links, and it gives me an error with a reference number. Of course, I can't find any information via google on this reference number - so I have no idea why I can't pull up the current forms or if I can fix it. Hell, I don't even know if it is fixable. I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated because I want to move, to make progress...to keep the ball rolling. And now, I have to put things on pause to call the financial aid office in the morning. I'm really hoping that I will get financial aid. I can use my tax return if I have to - maybe. But there are other things that I'd like to use that for - and no, it's not all "fun" things, either. There's quite a few bills I'd like to get paid off and out of the way. I'd like to do a few "fun" things too - but I won't be able to if I have to pay for this course on my own.
  • Current Mood
    frustrated frustrated