onyx (onyxangel) wrote,

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I hate it when you have so much to say, to think about. You get all excited about updating, getting it all out of your head. And when you get the chance...there's too much, and you end up posting drivel. Everyday "who gives a shit about in 10 years" kind of drivel. "Oh, I went to the store today". Well, goody, I'll look that in 10 years and think, "Yay!". Chya. As if.
I have realized that I have not posted anything more than superficial stuff lately, with a few exceptions. Stuff that really isn't going to make a difference when I look back. Lately, there's been a lot on my mind, a lot of important stuff to think on and to feel...but I haven't taken the time to post it. I haven't had the time, but I can't expect that to be handed to me. There's so much to say, and nowhere to begin it all, so it sits here inside my mind, roiling and twisting about like a tormented girl in chains.
I read a journal today, and there was a story. It was a good story, even if I did feel I came in part way through it. I didn't look back, there's probably a beginning somewhere. In reading this, I realized, I want to write again. And not just sporadically like I'm inclined to do..but, really write. I always dreamed about writing professionally, but I think I lack the confidence in myself to get past the rejections. *sigh* I also lack some skill I think..but that, can be easily remedied. I mean some of it is just an out of practice thing,....like, in stories, I'm not good at conversation..that's correctible though. I want to write, damnit.

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