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Why can't I....

Be more sexually...forward? Aggressive isn't really the word I'm looking for. I want sex more often, but when I think of actually initiating something - I freeze. It's like, I can think but not act. Is it because it puts me in control and I don't like that? Is it years and years of 'training' to be modest? The idea that 'women don't do that'? (Thank grandma) I mean..I just freeze.
Last night for instance. I wanted to start things..but, I ended up just more or less in laying in bed, trying to talk myself into actually moving and touching him. When I did manage to make myself touch him...just his thigh, mind you....he was asleep. I understand that I can't always wait for him, or any man, to *always* initiate things. There's no reason he should have to always initiate. Do I really think he's going to reject me if I initiated? I doubt it. If so, it would be the act, and not me. I know this. Yet, I still can't seem to make myself do anything. Its not that I have a problem touching him, I love touching him, sexually or non. God knows, I find this man incredibily attractive, on so many levels. So, what the fuck is my issue? I mean, it should be easy for me to start things, shouldn't it? It should be easy for me to smile at him, reach out and gently caress him. *sighs* In some ways, I think I envy his ex. From what little I've been told about her, it seems she was much more forward than I am. I mean, after all, she did point him in the direction of the lifestyle. She started exploring with him. That sounds much more forward than I am. Granted, there's a lot I don't know about her, or their relationship. How does one go about learning to be more sexually forward?

Comments

( 6 comments — Drop A Feather )
thoabath
Jan. 14th, 2002 09:28 am (UTC)
Tell you what...
Look for a communtiy called "sextips". Join it. I'm not a member, I'm shy, I just read it through someone else's Friends list.

http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=sextips

Try asking there...
onyxangel
Jan. 14th, 2002 10:18 am (UTC)
Re: Tell you what...
Thanks.... I joined. Maybe I'll get some ideas on how to talk to him about this even.
discordian
Jan. 14th, 2002 09:49 am (UTC)
Have you tried talking to Tyr about it? He might have some ideas. Talk it out with him. Go over your fears and doubts (and whatever else there might be stopping you). I would like to add that this is a two way street. If you are only reactive in bed, he might get the feeling that you don't want him. Silly, I know.. but you humans are fuckin' weird.
onyxangel
Jan. 14th, 2002 10:11 am (UTC)
Re:
Yeah, I know he may feel that way. Like I said, I can't expect him to be the initiator all the time. No, I haven't tried yet...I'm not exactly sure how to approach it. Which, in part, is why I wrote this.
discordian
Jan. 14th, 2002 11:40 am (UTC)
Just be honest. One day, when everything's cool betweet the two of yous, sit down with him and say "Tyr, there's an internal conflict I've been having that I want to get your perspective on". Wait for his heart to resume beating *wink*, and just go from there. Say what you think. Ramble for a bit, if that's what it's going to take. Eventually something you say will trigger a response, and all of a sudden you're having a conversation, which makes things much easier.
onyxangel
Jan. 14th, 2002 11:44 am (UTC)
Re:
Yeah....well, I wish communicating were that easy for me. Unfortunately, its not. I agonize about things...and then maybe I'll mention it. This journal has helped us communicate quite a bit.
( 6 comments — Drop A Feather )

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