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Coming to terms..

On the way to work this morning, I realized a few things. I realized just how much I hate the commute. This never used to be a big deal, in fact, there was a time when I found it enjoyable. Location didn't seem to play a big part in this. Maybe it does now, I'm not sure. All I know is that now, I hate it. I grind my teeth the whole way, and its more a feel of dragging myself into work rather than going to work. I find that I get increasingly more angry at other commuters each day I commute. I know that I get road rage, but I don't recall getting it quite so often, or so strongly. I also realized just how negative I've become. I used to enjoy company, now there's few people I can stand being around. I don't like socializing, I hate the phone and generally dont answer it. I hate talking on the phone. All this is starting to effect me very seriously. I despise things I never used to. I know that the people who call into work are only a small portion of the population, but still, it seems overwhelming some days, and seems to have creeped into other areas of my life. I had a policy at one time - work was work, and it didn't come home. Now, its there all the time. I don't like that I've become so negative, so jaded to people in general, and less willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. I hate that this job is a constant stress now, so much so that I'm having to take a deep breath and remind myself its just a job. Its also affecting me on a physical level. I get more headaches, my stomach bothers me more often. It isn't my co-workers, most of them are wonderful people, even if they get on my nerves occassionally. Its the job. The fact that I'm expected to do more, at the same quality, with less time and less tools. Its the fact that I'm bound to the CV&Bs, but management doesn't seem to be, and yet they pretend that they are and act as if we aren't smart enough to know. Its the fact that I'm expected to do follow up and required quizes 'between calls'. Nevermind the fact, that I don't have 'between calls', the queue is constantly red. Okay, every so often, it changes to yellow or orange, but still. My point is, its not like before where you had 2 or 3 minutes before your next call...now, there's hardly time to breathe, much less do any required stuff. I don't get paid to do it on my time, and quite frankly, I'd rather do something else. At lunch, I don't want to bother with work stuff. This is a tactic to keep what remains of my sanity. I know that I've said it before, several times in fact, but I need a new job. Soon. There's no way around it now. I don't like that I've become so negative, and I don't see that improving while I'm here.


( 5 comments — Drop A Feather )
Nov. 13th, 2002 11:26 am (UTC)
I know the feeling.
Stage two burnout.
It took about a year after i quit working tech support until i'd answer my phone at home, and it's still not high on my priority list.
The commute issue's another familiar one. It took almost five years of commuting to the east side from a half-hour north of Everett to do something about it. Now i walk out my front door and up a block, get on a bus to downtown, walk three blocks and wait a few minutes, and get on another one to bring me to the coal mines. Cut the stress amazingly.
And i still hate my job. What keeps me going is the daily mantra of "it's better than unemployment" and looking for work in the few minutes of sanity i force into my work day.
Good luck.
Nov. 13th, 2002 11:54 am (UTC)
I know exactly how you feel, except I'm two floors down. Hang in there.
Nov. 13th, 2002 03:11 pm (UTC)
Its also affecting me on a physical level.

And that's when you know getting out is getting critical. Good luck.
Nov. 13th, 2002 06:27 pm (UTC)
Great, big bunny {{{{hugs}}}} a smoochie on the lips, and a pinchy on yer booty!!! BAH HAH HAH!!! ***flounce flounce***
*()() :D
Nov. 18th, 2002 03:19 am (UTC)
I know exactly how you feel. I have to drive a half hour to work every day, and then back again. I get paid shit wages just so I can have the priviledge of performing the duties of two people and then go home exhausted every night. They always give you more work and less time to do it all in while expecting you to be able to do a better a job.

I'm also at the stage where just getting out of bed in the morning is almost not worth it. My problem though, isn't with the work in general. It's with the way others do or don't do their job. My work load for half the week is entirely reflected from the amount of work one other person does. And when they don't, which is often the case, my work load increase dramatically at the end, instead of at the beginning where it should be.

And that doesn't take into account bosses who constantly foul things up.

But I'm on a four year contract ... I've only done 30 months so far .... And it is better than unemployment - like that's a consolation sometimes.
( 5 comments — Drop A Feather )