onyx (onyxangel) wrote,

So, I'm not the best huh?

Last night, I was online chatting away at a new room I found for a message board roleplay. One of the guys I was talking to asked for a pic. I told him the only one I had was old, but I could pass it along (considering its on a website for a liveaction game I play sometimes, I felt it would be fine).
He tells me "You're okay...not the best, but you'd still turn me on." -blink- Excuse me? I'm not offended that he doesn't think I'm the prettiest woman in the world...I mean, we all have our tastes. I'm not to his, big deal. What upsets me is the lack to tact. There are an infinate number of ways to phrase that and not be so insulting. I mean, how would he like it if I came back and said "Oh, yeah...that's not the biggest cock I've seen...but, it'll work."
Maybe it bothers me so much because as I was growing up I was always told I 'could be so much prettier if' ...I hate that phrase. I hate it with a passion. The other one grandma used to use on a regular basis "You'd be thinner if..." *twitch* Yes, I hate that one too. No wonder I struggle with image issues.
I looked at a picture of me from 1992. I was amazed at how thin I looked, but I remember thinking that I was fat. Too fat to be wearing the costume I was wearing. It was a jester outfit, covered no more than a bathing suit. And no, I don't like bathing suits either...don't wear one unless I -have- to. Still, the idea that I thought I was fat is almost mind boggling to me. It occured to me as I looked at this picture, that it really didn't matter how thin I was...I always thought I was fat. Still, I'm not happy with the size of my body, though, frankly, I'm a lot more okay with my body and with my view of it (both positive and negative) than I ever used to be.
I have more to say on this....but the baby is fussing, so I need to go lay down with him. Hopefully, I'll remember what I want to say now later.

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