onyx (onyxangel) wrote,
onyx
onyxangel

Sometimes, I wonder....

I wonder why I even bother with some people. I talked to Spike again, over AIM. It wasn't a bad conversation, just a hello and an update. But, I don't know. Maybe its because I've lost whatever infatuation I held for him...but, it just felt..false. I mean, not like he lied...just that, I don't know, that distance I suppose. That distance that says "I think you're nice..but I'm not getting too close." He had to go do some errands, and we agreed that I'll stop by his house sometime to pick up some pop tabs he's been saving for grandma. I'll clear this with Tyr before going. I'm not sure why I agreed. I don't have any real desire to see him. Perhaps, its just to see that distance in person. To see that I'm not the only one who feels it *shrugs* I'm not worried about it, or even particularly bothered by this falseness in our discussions..this distance that's fallen between us. Just, curious, I guess. Curious as to why I even bother...when really, I don't miss him, at all. I don't miss his friendship, I don't miss anything at all about him. In fact...I rarely even think of him. I just happened to catch him on AIM today...and decided to say hi. So...why did I even bother with that? Its not like it matters...
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