onyx (onyxangel) wrote,

Long overdue update...

So, once again, its been awhile since I've updated my journal. I have lots to say, and likely won't get around to saying it all. The perils of a busy life :P

I notice that the format for the web entry has changed..wow. I think I like this set up. I still need to revamp my journal, but I'm holding off on that for the moment. When I get some ideas, I'll try it. I've forgotten most of the coding I learned when I started the journal, so its a big task for me to undertake.

So, first off, I guess I should mention that D and I have entered into a relatively new phase of our relationship. We're 'poly'...more or less officially. Its not a tag I use to describe myself on a regular basis, as I'm not really dating anyone outside of him. He does, however, have a girlfriend. Her and I are close, but not involved romantically. It's great having her around. She helps me take care of the kids, and we talk alot. I'll refer to her as 'the girlfriend' or R, most likely.

Of course, living this sort of lifestyle has created a lot of mixed feelings. I've had to come to terms with a lot of things about myself, and face a lot of insecurities. However, I have noticed a difference in myself. Though I'm still shy when it comes to new people, I'm a lot more confident in myself. Oh, I still have my moments of insecurity, but I'm doing better at not letting them get the better of me. This sometimes means I have to talk myself down from a tizzy, but it seems to be working. I have to remind myself that the chances of him finding someone he likes better than me are the same no matter what type of relationship we have. The chances of him leaving for other reasons are the same, as well. This doesn't make the issue go away, but it does help to realize the facts. And it helps me not freak out totally when he's doing something with R. I also have to remind myself on occassion that neither one of them have ever given me a reason not to trust them, and I realize that I have to trust in that and have faith.

Things are changing in our relationship, and I'm surprisingly okay with that. R is getting a divorce from her husband, and that will change the dynamics of our 3 way relationship naturally. We've become more of a triad type grouping. If you had asked me even a couple months ago if I'd be okay with this new dynamic, I would have said no. I surprised myself when she told me....I was alright with the concept, and with the change. I think part of it is because when she talked about the issues between her and her husband, she never once gave the impression or stated that she was leaving for another person. In fact, she gave the impression that the issues had been long-standing, and that she had given the relationship a lot of thought. I know that having D and I in her life has given her some new perspective on things, and has likely contributed to her decision in some small way...but, I know also that she's not leaving because of D or myself. I was the first (I think) to offer her support in her endeavor, and I'm glad I did.

She's been a wonderful help around the family, and great company. She's around so often now that she's practicly mommy #2 to my kids :) And no, this doesn't bother me. I'm glad that D and I have found someone we can both be so close to. Mom likes her too, which is helpful...considering she sleeps on the sofa or the air matress ;) She's a lot closer to the idea of compersion than I am, though. But, I'm working on it.

This weekend has been great. R came up on Thursday, and we talked and watched the kids. We even tried to watch Blue Collar Comedy Tour, or maybe that was Friday. At any rate, we never did get to finish it. Hopefully we will soon, and mom can watch. Friday, D took us all out to dinner, including mom. We went to Claim Jumpers. It was a blast! R and I ended up in giggles, and mom was kind of laughing at us. D was rolling his eyes ;) It was a late night, and well worth the expense of dinner. Saturday, R and I went out to lunch at Denny's. We took little man with us...and laughed as he flirted with the waitresses. After that, we went down to Divine Enchantress for me to buy a bra that fits...and found them closed! Rat bastards! We'll have to try again later in the week. Next door there was a toy store, with learning toys and set up for mostly teachers or daycare workers. We got Pan some pick up sticks, and Garrett a couple little toys and a book on signing. On the way home, we stopped to get our hair cut. I got mine trimmed, with long layers about the face. R thinks it looks good :) So does D...this makes me happy.

After my day with R, D and I went out. R helped mom watch the babies. D and I haven't had a lot of alone time since before Jae was born, so it was time. When we got home he had a headache and was playing EQ. I'll admit that I was worried and a little upset. I'd been looking forward to the promised night out on our own, and was upset that it might be cancelled. I should have known better though - he came through for me. We went to see Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocense. GREAT movie!! If you like anime, I suggest you go see it. See the first one too, if you haven't. Excellent viewing. After the movie, we went to IHOP and had some dinner. Much relief...I was near starving! We had a great conversation...about various things going on. R stayed with Jae all night while we went upstairs to cuddle..and things ;) It was a much needed night, and I feel -much- better and more relaxed.

Today, I haven't done much really. The house has been picked up because family might be visiting today or tomorrow. It needed it anyway, and I was planning on doing some of it. Mom, R and D did it all while I stayed upstairs with the little man to put him down for a nap. I did do a little though - I emptied the dishwasher and swept and mopped the kitchen floor. I have to go to the store soon, but in the meantime, I think I'm gonna enjoy my time online :)

  • General thoughts

    I haven't said much since moving down here really - at least not on my journal. I've posted a few things to facebook, but that's about it. Life is…

  • The journey from there to here...

    I haven't said much about it, haven't posted it anywhere, really...but, I've moved to Kansas. The kids are with mom in Seattle still, until the end…

  • Settling in

    I think things are finally settling in. We've been in the apartment about 2 months now. I still need to find some places to put things and there are…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.