"To sum up: the dog was unharmed. That little bastard was wearing a leash with a harness, so he just snapped back into place like a highly irate tether ball."
I just about died laughing. My desk was shaking, seriously. Of course, the whole thing was amusing. Find the rest of the story, here
A couple others that I found in book six of the Dresden Files:
"an errand is getting a tank of gas or picking up a carton of milk or something. It is not getting chased by flying purple pyromaniac gorillas hurling incendiary poo."
"The next morning his personal assistant, a young woman named Shiela Barks, was hit by a runaway car. Killed instantly."
"That doesn't sound so odd."
"She was waterskiing at the time."
"Jobs are a part of life. Maybe you've heard of the concept. It's called work. See, what happens is that you suffer through doing annoying and humiliating things until you get paid not enough money. Like those Japanese game shows, only without all the glory."
On a sadder note, my router at home is out. So, for the moment, I can't get to the internet. Mom can, but I can't. Sadness.