onyx (onyxangel) wrote,

  • Mood:

I'm sorry.

I sent an email. Tyr, I hope you get it. I'm sorry I pissed you off.

(sigh) I'm not getting into detail. I'm crying, and I feel like shit. I want to go home. Just, please, God, let the day end soon. And let no one see the tears I'm trying so hard not to shed. I hate this. Trying to keep myself together...when inside my stomach is in a huge knot, my hands are shaking. Yes, this is how upset that I am. You've never just walked away before...and in effect, you have today..and damnit...it HURTS. I don't know how much I'll be around on the weekend...and that makes me anxious. Do you have *any* idea how much what you do or what you say affects me? No, I suppose not. I suppose I haven't said it. Or maybe you do, and in this moment, it just didn't matter. (shrug) I'll be fine in a few minutes...those nice little walls erected once again. The tears will be dry, my hands steady. And when I get in the car tonight...to go on my way....I'll cry. I'll cry where no one can see me. Between now and then, I'll falter from wanting to scream at you to wanting to hide my tears. Between now and then, I'll falter between panic and being cold and uncaring. And, at some point...I won't feel anything. I'll just be numb. Right now, I'm collected...the tears are dry and my hands are steady. I'm cold, so cold I'm shivering..and I'm not sure if its the temperature in here, or an after affect. I shouldn't have gotten snappy...but, I did. I'm sorry.
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