He's read the journal. We've talked. I can return to a modicum of normalicy. I have to work on this fear..this irrational fear that if he's angry, he'll just leave. It isn't fair to him. I know this..and I *do* trust him. Its just....a knee jerk thing. I've been left behind so many times...but, he isn't them. He's my hero on a Harley (grin)...and I know, somewhere inside, that he'll stand by me. Even when he's angry. He came back...and we talked...and I knew, everything would be okay. Not 'smoothed over'..but really okay. I feel relief. And a sort of frustration in myself. I don't know how to stop the reaction I have...and that makes it worse. Over time, I will figure it out..and it will be second nature to trust him. We're working on it..each of us, to trust the other. Each time he comes back, each time we work things out...its a little less panic the next time. And, more understanding...of ourselves (at least for me) and of each other...and of 'us'.