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MARTHA STEWART VS. REAL WOMEN

Martha's way #1:
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

The Real Women's Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

Martha's way #2:
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

The Real Women's Way:
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year

Martha's way #3:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

The Real Women's Way:
Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.

Martha's way #4:
If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will
absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up."

The Real Women's Way:
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.

Martha's way #5:
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

The Real Women's Way:
Celery? Never heard of the stuff.

Martha's way #6:
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

The Real Women's Way:
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I
just don't do it.

Martha's way #7:
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing
will go away.

The Real Women's Way:
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, etc., chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but
who cares?

Martha's way #9:
If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non slip
grip that makes opening jars easy.

The Real Women's Way:
Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.

And finally the most important tip:

Martha's way #10:
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and
sauces.

The Real Women's Way:
Leftover wine??????

Comments

( 5 comments — Drop A Feather )
kdborg
Apr. 2nd, 2002 05:14 pm (UTC)
lol
sasjhwa
Apr. 2nd, 2002 06:51 pm (UTC)
Martha Stewart's April Fool Joke
I was surfing channels the other day and Martha Stewart was on. I generally give her about 30 seconds cuz occassionally she has cool things she's working on. She was working on a quilt which was of a unique style and I wanted to see the whole quilt rather than just one swatch (I like arts and crafts! Sue me!) A few seconds later, she grabbed her eye and fell to the floor behind her counter screaming in pain. Her producer and a bunch of staff came running to her aid and helped her up. She was holding a cloth covered in blood to her eye and was screaming about accidently poking it (with a needle I think, I was laughing too hard to catch what she said exactly). Her producer was nearly in panic driven tears when Martha pulled the cloth away and shouted "April Fools!" to everyone. Her staff looked like the goobs who get caught on candid camera, and several people promised, "You're going to pay, Martha! You're going to pay."

Best episode of Martha Stewart Living I've ever seen. :D
onyxangel
Apr. 3rd, 2002 01:27 am (UTC)
Re: Martha Stewart's April Fool Joke
LOL...I didn't know she had it in her!
phatsin8
Apr. 3rd, 2002 06:48 am (UTC)
as a past employee of Big Kmart I can say without a shout of a doubt that MARTHA STEWART IS THE DEVIL
onyxangel
Apr. 3rd, 2002 10:43 am (UTC)
Re:
LOL
( 5 comments — Drop A Feather )